Today my hubby woke me up with an Indian breakfast, some idly, puri and chutneys, He also gave me black coffee. I prefer my coffee with milk, but this morning we ran out of milk.
When I drank my coffee black this morning, I was reminded of my time in the remote mountains of China. I shared an apartment with local girls, we worked together in a coffee shop, they worked and I voluntarily trained them in cooking and baking.
We didn’t have much in the apartment, there was no kitchen and the bathroom didn’t have tiles, just a squatty toilet with concrete walls and floor, half the time the water was frozen and our squatty was clogged.
The only things in the apartment that worked were heating blankets and an electric kettle. During winter I would wake up with a frozen nose but the rest of my body was cosy and warm under the blanket. I had placed my kettle on a suitcase which was also my coffee table next to my bed. Every morning from my warm and cosy bed I made drip coffee, black with no milk and no sugar. Coffee literally gets me going in the morning, but with no bathroom and no running water, I had a tiny bit of a problem. But this problem worked out to my advantage. During those cold winter days you need a good reason to get out of bed and because coffee makes me want to go, I had to get dressed fast. I grabbed my toothbrush and towel and I ran out of the apartment toward the nearest bathing house ‘with a squatty’ where the pipes were not frozen... And that is how I started most of my days.
The situation might not sound ideal, but I thrived and I loved living up there. Every waking moment I had one of the most beautiful views, blue skies, hills and mountains. This was also a time in my life where I felt the loneliest and the most intimate with God, I realized these two go hand in hand. I had fun with the local people, we grew to be great friends, and they took care of me like I was one of their family members, but none of them could speak English and my Chinese was not the best either. I could talk about daily things like groceries, baking and the weather, but more than that was difficult. I was far away from my friends and family, and even though through social media it is easy to get in touch, people do forget about you sometimes 😉. I loved to spend time on my own, but when I was really really alone it started to hurt. I started to cry and complain, asking God, why? Where was my life partner, the longing to get married grew stronger…
It became a daily habit to walk with God and pray all the time. God spoke to me in many ways. While walking in the hills, the wind was like God whispering in my ears, whenever power went off and my heating blanket was a cold as ice, He was my embrace and He kept me warm. During the night He gave me dreams and one time He even woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me about my future husband. Which later I realized was true in all its details. It was overwhelming and the sweetest time of my life together with God.
Now I live in India with many people around me and I have an amazing husband, and you know what is so funny? I miss those days in the mountains where I was alone and lonely but so intimate with God, for now having a husband and many people around me I still feel lonely, why do you think that is?
When I go back through the pages of my diary from earlier this year, I wrote a lot about loneliness and I wondered why I felt lonely in the remote mountains but also here in this tropical seashore with dozens of people that can speak English and a loving husband. I realized it has nothing to do with your surroundings or with the people around you or if you have a spouse or not. It has something to do with you, the way you look and take care of yourself, the way you are content with life and how you pursue your relationship with God. We need to be content with what we have. Do you have lots of friends or none? Do you have a spouse or not? Do you have a job or not?
The Lord is always near, He never changes, He goes with you through all the seasons of your life, He will give you exactly what you need, at the right time. I wish I had pushed, cried and complained less, looking back I wish I enjoyed those alone moments even more!
As you can see my black coffee this morning is inspiring, isn’t it? It is past noon and I still haven’t left my bed because I am thinking about all of this. God is truly the only one that can make me feel comfortable and happy all the time. Having a husband did not make me happier or more joyful. For sure life has changed, it is a lot more fun to do things together, we stand strong together, we hold hands, we talk a lot, we fight and we love each other again. But God is the centre of it all, without Him our lives together would not make any sense or worse we would have never even met. We met again and again because of God. And that story I will share soon! But before that I just need some more coffee!
Love Sarah
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